What do men & women want?

Ever wonder what the opposite sex is looking for? What we’re all really looking for?

The answer is pretty simple. It’s not money, sex, or a perfect mate. It’s connection.

We feel a sense of separation in modern life, which leads us to feeling alone and like part of us is missing. Most psychotherapists believe it starts in childhood when you realize that your parents are a separate entity from you. If, as a baby, you didn’t have a very intuitive mother or caregiver, you might’ve feel abandoned when they couldn’t guess what you need. Coming from the womb, where every need is taken care of, you feel this separation very deeply.

As we get older, we look for this connection in our potential mates. We seek to fill this void, distracting ourselves with sex and “love.” But what we really crave is connection. For someone to look us in the eye and validate our existence. To connect our deeper selves to the deeper self of the person in front of us.

“A human being is a part of the whole, called by us ‘the universe’, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest – a kind of optical illusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening the circle of understanding and compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” – Albert Einstein

We go through life seeking things that will fill a void. And it’s okay because we don’t necessarily know why or what we are doing. But as you gain awareness of what’s going on inside, you realize that quick fixes are just that, quick. At some point the alcohol, love affairs, food, caffeine, sex, job or drugs will simply not work anymore to fill that void. There will come a point when all that will satiate that desire inside of you is connection.

The first, and most important, point of connection is to yourself. When you connect to how marvelous you are underneath all of the judgements you and society put on you, you will begin to feel the peace and joy of being alive. This is a fundamental step of becoming whole. When you become whole, a new and wonderful feeling will start to overtake you. You now have a desire to share that wholeness with others.

Let’s consider this in a romantic sense. You, now feeling whole, desire to give that love to someone else that is whole. Neither of you needs the other, but you still have a strong desire to share this feeling. And because both of you don’t need each other, but choose to be together, you have the beginnings of a healthy relationship. This is what they refer to when they say “my cup runneth over.” It simply means that you were already full on your own, then someone came along and poured more love and joy on top of you.

This concept of connecting to yourself is foundational for our process. When you clear out all of the baggage that is dragging you down and keeping you from becoming your biggest self, you step into a whole new life.

For a deeper look at how we clear out baggage, check out our Bridging Method.