11 Tips for Modern Dating
I was a little timid about getting back into the dating game. I’d spent over four years single, writing out of my apartment in Los Angeles, mostly alone. In that time I had developed a bit of a pessimistic view on dating and I was convinced there were no good men left to date. After all, I wanted to fall in love the old fashioned way - you know, like “The Notebook.”
You’d think it would be easy to meet someone in a big city saturated with beautiful people, full of magic and dreams - but it wasn’t. When my new roommate moved in, she was baffled that I had never used a dating app. All she did in between activities was swipe right, swipe left, chat, laugh. What is this world of Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and Raya? She always said, “how are you ever supposed to meet anyone? The only time you leave the house is to go to the gym. You have to get back out there” She was absolutely right.
You have to get back out there.
Lucky for me, this app situation fit my lifestyle perfectly. What if I really could meet “Mr. Right” without leaving home? I could potentially meet someone who ran in different circles, someone I’d never run into. Suddenly, the world seemed full of possibilities. I got super excited and downloaded Tinder.
OH MY!
I was appalled. Is this how people behave now? A series of dick pics and assumptions that you want to sleep with them before you even say hi. I was extremely intimidated by the intensity of this world. I deleted the app immediately. I researched the target audience on some of the other apps and moved on to Bumble and Hinge. The guys on there at least pretended to get to know me, but I did make it a point to filter them out before agreeing to go out with them.
To my surprise, I went on some pretty amazing dates. Even my expert-online-dater roommate was baffled at the quality of men that were asking me out. But, even though I was having fun, something was off. I realized that I wasn’t sure what I was looking for other than “something real.”
What did “something real” look like for me? What DID I really want?
I decided to take some of the guesswork from my profile. I was brutally honest and kept my pictures understated, something that showed the real me. I was much more direct and, as a result, fell for less of the games. The guys who were not well matched fell away. And just like that, a few months later I found the love of my life - and he was better than anything I had ever imagined.
Seems too easy, right? Not according to “The Law of Attraction” which says that whatever you put out into the universe is what the universe will give to you. I was literally saying for years that there were “no good single men out there,” and when I decided to change my thoughts, everything came, like magic.
If you are disillusioned about dating, like I was, do yourself a favor and get back in the game. Just keep in mind that your world is a reflection of your thoughts, so leave the negative ones behind. There are some pretty incredible guys out there. All you need to do is be honest about what you truly want and never settle for anything less than you deserve. When you make up your mind and start moving toward that goal, everything shifts.
Great change is always preceded by a choice. So choose love. And get back out there with the certainty that who you’re looking for is looking for you too. Have fun!
Here are some quick tips to keep in mind when dating online:
Know what you want - Whether it’s a hookup or a longterm relationship, this will save you a ton of time and effort when meeting potential dates.
Do some research on the apps - Look at each of the app’s target audiences. Being more informed will get you quicker and more quality results.
Photos - Pick pictures that show who you are - something recent, in focus, by yourself. Keep those filters to a minimum, tricking someone into meeting you is never a good idea. And have at least four pics (that’s the magic number according to a recent study by Zoosk).
Be brutally honest - Be honest about you, what you’re looking for, and what you need.
Be yourself - Don’t be afraid to tell people what you want in fear that they’ll stop talking to you. If they do, then they’re not the one.
Don’t miss out - Someone great might not initially check all of your boxes. People can and will surprise you.
Be confident - Dare to go for what you want.
Be positive - Don’t let your past experiences ruin your future happiness.
Be Safe - Ask questions. Get to know them. Meet in a public place the first time.
Drive - Heading across town doesn’t sound like much fun, especially if you’re in a city like Los Angeles, but ten miles is not too far if you're potentially meeting the love of your life. Listen to Audible on the way there and make good use of the time.
Have fun!